“I promise to take thee to wife…”
Posted by Bubbas' Nightmare on 13 June 2007
I just lost a good, if not long-term, blog commenter.
She and I got into an email discussion about some of what I’ve posted, and we started down the path of why I’m going down the road of laying down my wedding vows and getting a divorce.
She then stated that she wanted no more discussions of any kind with me. Her take on my situation was that no one worthy of attention (i.e., our email discussions and–I’m going to assume–her blog comments) would ever abandon their vows. Ever.
“I COULD NEVER TRUST a man who would walk out on his vows. No matter what.”
(Emphasis hers. The emailer will have to forgive me for not attributing her quote. I suspect she wouldn’t appreciate it much.)
To which my only comment is from the email I had sent to her previously:
“My wedding vows meant the entire world to me. You have no idea how hard it was to lay them down for good. Yes, they only mattered until I changed my mind, but I believe I was justified after almost 20 years of misery and abuse. I will not sacrifice what is left of my life for someone like that. I just won’t.”
(Emphasis added.) This is something that the spouse doesn’t understand. She maintains that I too was no barrel of fun. She could be right; I’m not qualified to judge my own behavior objectively. All I know is that she wants to maintain the marriage, and I do not.
I feel the commenter’s moral compass is pointed in exactly the right direction. However, one has to be remember that in all moral dilemmas there is a proper context to consider. From James Rowland’s excellent article:
“A virtue, or morality in general, can’t be judged outside of the context of a person’s life….People talk about “acting morally” when they say that a person followed the virtues, not caring what results came of the actions. People talk about “being virtuous” without reference to the outcome or the values being pursued. Following the rules is considered good enough.”
Postscript: I no sooner got this written and posted when this showed up on the radar screen.